{dedicated to the spirit of DAVID STUART, much loved and respected campaigner promoting well-being and health in the LGBTQ+ community, who parted from his body, January 2022}
When I came out fucking could kill you
so condoms became our tool of protection,
though you often heard guys complaining
that the rubber ruined their erection.
When I came out AIDS stalked the land,
fear was written on the face of each gay man
that I saw out cruising, reflecting back to me
that yes we were scared, but we were happy to be free.
When I came out gay men were dying
from a big disease with a little name
and nowadays gay boys are still falling victim
to the after effects of centuries of imposed guilt and shame.
Guys seeking pleasure, love, connections
through crystal meth and viagra erections:
it can wear out the soul, leave a big gaping hole
in our happiness, our wholeness, our health…
For although we may think we are free,
gay men have not healed our history.
What we do was never an abomination
it was a pagan form of salvation.
In ancient temples queers were the holy ones,
people came for our erotic blessing
but religion limited us to sodomites
and psychology sees us simply as sexual.
The Christian Fathers hated all sexual acts
that did not lead to childbirth
they railed against the pagan orgies
I think they were jealous old men.
Gay love, once honoured in the ancient world
took to the shadows, hid in the monasteries,
became riddled with guilt, burdened by shame
but never went away, the eternal spirit of gay
is here to connect the worlds.
Nowadays proud bottoms galore
come knocking at my cyber door
so much booty in my inbox
no more afraid of a deadly pox.
Positive guys undetectable, negative guys on prep
the feast of homosexuality is underway once more
and all the lessons of the 80s-90s
pretty much being ignored.
Men go from house to house, from arse to arse, dick to dick
no time to check if any of those men made them sick,
When I came out fucking could kill you.
So I came to see the fuck as the prize,
now there are so many butts to behold:
how can I satisfy all these guys?
I certainly can’t give them all my healing touch,
don’t like to tell them I find it a bit much
that they want to be fucked by a stranger and receive his essence
directly inside them, I feel there’s a deeper agenda to be reached.
I think the gay scene needs to find a way for us to teach
each other that gay love can connect body, mind and heart
to the flow of eternity and the presence of the old gods,
that gay sex is a spiritual art.
Two men can unite and fill the world with light.
The longing to be filled is a longing for something more
than a penis can ever provide,
it’s a longing for union, with another, within ourselves,
to unlock the power that can take us to heaven
and lift the whole world out of the many hells
that people have driven themselves into.
Heaven and hell both are found in the mind;
we are the gatekeepers with keys to find
that unlock the door to the higher levels
of life, of mind, of love:
but to access the gates we need to claim our own worth,
then the memory will come:
it seems we know instinctively
the gates are somehow accessed through the bum,
but we don’t know what we’re looking for
in this consumer age so full of rage,
we were lied to by religion and blinded by science:
it’s left to us to find out and remember
where in the world we belong.
When I came out fucking could kill you
but I believe it could wake us up to who we have always been
if we do it with love and awareness,
if we heal from the hatred thrown at us
and learn our own history.
This poem is dedicated to the spirit of DAVID STUART, much loved and respected campaigner promoting well-being and health in the LGBTQ+ community, who parted from his body, January 2022:
“His empathy and kindness saved lives and inspired so many. He changed for the better, the landscape of sexual health, addiction and recovery for gay, bi and queer men in London. He spoke out to acknowledge and address chemsex addiction in the community, at a time when many others would not. He fought and campaigned for the community, championing PrEP, U=U and trans rights. He called out racism and stigma against HIV within the community. He encouraged gay men to be kinder to each other.” Simon Marks.
rainbow messenger 